Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
