i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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