My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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