it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
pray to the hookup gods
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
