my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
