I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
