now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently the secret to your success is patron
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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