We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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