if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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