Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
