If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
