she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
