Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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