Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
