Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
