The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we're making bets on your personal life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
