I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
