Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
