he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
