his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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