I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
