What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love having hate sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
