i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
