You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
