How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
