I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize