if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
