Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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