But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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