Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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