There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
