Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
