genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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