i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize