So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
