Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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