i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
