R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
