I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
