It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
