no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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