Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
