Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
