are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
