when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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