She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
