If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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