you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
