it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
