It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize