I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
