tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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