and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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