had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize