Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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