I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
