Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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