it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just high enough for therapy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
