I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
