Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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