You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
