I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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