My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
