I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
