She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
