things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
