so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's shark week go big or go home
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
