god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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