dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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