You really coming over, don't trick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
