i barfeds in our rink
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
