yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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