My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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