so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
