She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
