Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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