need another drink. this is the easiest way
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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