so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
