please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
