Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
