I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
